Supporting a Loved One Through Mesothelioma-Related Distress
Health & Wellness
Written by Dana Nolan | Edited by Amy Edel
As a loved one or family caregiver, you may hear a person with mesothelioma talk about parts of life that have taken on new meaning. They may reflect on their relationships, the experiences that have shaped them, what gives their life meaning and what they want the people they love to know.
Some of these conversations may turn to more difficult subjects. A person with mesothelioma may think about what the end of their life could look like, their wishes for their care or the people they may leave behind. They may have questions about their identity and worth, their spirituality or how they want to spend the time they have.
As a psychotherapist who works with people living with cancer, I’ve had many conversations about these concerns. I’ve talked with people who have mesothelioma who are reflecting on their lives and thinking about what matters to them. These conversations can sometimes feel overwhelming or upsetting. We call this existential distress.
It can be difficult to know what to say when someone you love starts talking about these subjects. You may want to reassure them or make the conversation less difficult. But you don’t need to have an answer for every concern. Giving your loved one the opportunity to talk can be an important part of supporting them.
Signs of Mesothelioma-Related Existential Distress
Existential distress can take different forms for people with mesothelioma. A person may begin thinking more about their identity, their relationships, the meaning or worth of their life or what they want the end of their life to look like. They may also reflect on their spiritual or religious beliefs or worry about the loved ones they may leave behind.
What to Look for
- Uncertainty about identity and self-worth
- Spiritual or religious reflection
- Pondering the meaning of life
- Worries about loved ones they may leave behind
- Considering end-of-life care preferences
- Anxiety about pain or the end of life
These concerns don’t necessarily mean someone is experiencing severe emotional distress. But when these thoughts become overwhelming, a person with mesothelioma may benefit from mental health support from a professional. Supportive care also can address existential concerns, and a mental health professional or social worker may be part of that support.
Free online support group helps patients and families cope with the emotional effects of mesothelioma.
Sign Up NowTips for Supporting a Loved One With Mesothelioma
It can be difficult to know what to say when your loved one with mesothelioma starts talking about difficult or deeply personal subjects. You may feel uncomfortable hearing them express fears or talk about the end of life, especially when you’re not sure how to respond. In my experience, you don’t need to have the right words or try to solve their concerns. What matters is giving your loved one the opportunity to talk and making it possible for them to share what’s on their mind.
Supporting Your Loved One
- Accept that these conversations may be uncomfortable: Listening to someone you care about express fears can bring up strong feelings, but staying present can give them space to talk about difficult subjects.
- Don’t try to remedy or minimize their concerns: Your loved one may simply need the opportunity to talk about what’s weighing on them without feeling like they need to make those concerns go away.
- Make room for life review: Your loved one may want to share stories about their accomplishments, challenges they’ve overcome and relationships throughout their life, which can facilitate a sense of peace.
- Respect their desire to make plans: If your loved one wants to talk about hospice care, a living will, advance directives or other end-of-life preferences, give them the opportunity to communicate their wishes.
Supporting someone with existential concerns doesn’t mean having an answer for every question. Sometimes, allowing your loved one with mesothelioma to talk about difficult topics is a meaningful and supportive gift. Giving them that opportunity can help them share their wishes, reflect on their life and talk about what matters most to them.
