Mesothelioma Myth Busting: I Need to Stay Positive
Health & Wellness
Written by Dana Nolan, MS, LMHC | Edited by Amy Edel
Myth: If I want to survive mesothelioma, I need to have a positive attitude.
In my work as a support group facilitator and a psychotherapist working with cancer patients, I’ve had hundreds of conversations with patients and caregivers about how they’re feeling. They share what they’re worried about and their ideas about what kind of attitude or outlook they should have versus what they really have.
These are some things that people with mesothelioma have shared with me:
- “If one more person tells me that I need to think positively, I’m going to scream.”
- “I feel scared sometimes and I’m pretty angry that I have mesothelioma, because I didn’t do anything to deserve this diagnosis.”
- “I’m sure people think they’re being helpful when they try to cheer me up or only want me to talk about a positive outcome. But it makes me want to shut down because it’s not okay to talk about how I really feel.”
I’ve had the privilege of facilitating many cancer support groups throughout my career including our monthly mesothelioma online support group from The Mesothelioma Center since 2013. One of the reasons we began offering our monthly mesothelioma online support group is that it gives people with mesothelioma and their loved ones a safe place to talk about all the feelings and experiences that accompany a diagnosis of mesothelioma.
Sharing Concerns About Mesothelioma Can Help You Feel Better
It’s my responsibility as a psychotherapist and a support group facilitator to create that safe place and to give people with mesothelioma permission to talk about all their feelings and thoughts: the good, the bad and the ugly. What I have found is that many people do feel somewhat better after sharing their fears and concerns if their listener is able to validate and support them.
My goal as a psychotherapist is to help mesothelioma patients find a balance between realistic optimism along with having permission to feel and express all the feelings that are normal. Realistic optimism allows space for positive outcomes and hope. But, it’s important to also allow yourself some tears when you get news you don’t want to hear or to feel angry at the impact of mesothelioma on your life.
Where Did the Belief You Have to Stay Positive Come From?
Where did the belief that you have to have a positive attitude if you want to survive cancers like mesothelioma originate? I think there are a couple of different explanations.
One reason is that it’s more comfortable for mesothelioma caregivers and loved ones to be around the patient when they’re expressing optimism and positivity versus fear or anger. It’s true that it can be challenging to be present around loved ones with mesothelioma when they’re feeling scared, angry, worried or are in emotional or physical pain.
It’s not that people don’t want to be supportive, it’s just that if someone we love is hurting then we hurt, too. But if they have a positive attitude at the moment, then it feels better when we can smile and be optimistic along with them.
Some people have cultural and spiritual beliefs that support the idea that thinking positively will affect the outcome of events in our lives. To investigate that theory with cancer patients and length of survival, researchers have investigated the relationship between a fighting spirit or positive attitude as it relates to cancer patients and their response to treatment.
The American Cancer Society does a good job of synthesizing the hundreds of clinical research studies on this topic and providing easy-to-understand information to people with cancer. Their position on emotions and cancer are that attitude and outlook doesn’t affect how long someone with cancer lives, but that some research shows that having an optimistic outlook may help improve cancer patient’s quality of life.
